If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
