fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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