My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
