So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
