i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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