Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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