We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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