im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there's paper in my vomit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
