you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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