sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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