I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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