There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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