never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
