this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
