so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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