Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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