sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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