Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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