so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
