My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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