There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
