When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
