You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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