What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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