So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
