ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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