Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
