my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
