We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
