I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
