The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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