Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
