I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
