You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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