he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
