You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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