Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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