I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
