I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
