I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
