Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
