I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
