So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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