How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
