so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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