i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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