you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
