i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
