If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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