quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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