This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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