Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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