Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
