Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
